AIO for wanting to end a 6 year relationship after my (27)f bf (29m) punched three holes in the wall & threw a mirror in my direction after getting caught with coc@!ne again?

We’ve been dating for 6 years and he’s been doing cocaine on and off for 4 years. A year and a half into the relationship, he cheated. While he never did that again, he picked up the cocaine use and began lying about that. We fought over it hundreds of times. Every time he gets caught, he promises he won’t do it again. Yet he just repeats that cycle. Hides it. Gets caught. Promises. Does it again. It is clearly an addiction but he refuses to seek professional help. Recently he promised he was completely done and admitted to having a problem. He claimed he’s ready for change and doesn’t want to lose me and wants me to move with him after our current lease ends.

About two weeks after this promise, I caught him hiding c0ke in his boxers. He claimed my eyes were lying to me. Began raging and went into a violent outburst as he usually does if I question him. Screaming. Throwing things around. Cussing me out. He punched three holes in the wall, threw something at my lamp so it broke and threw a mirror in my direction but thankfully I was able to dodge it. After, he still went back to the bar for a few hours.

The next day he texts me he’s sorry for being a loser and he’s depressed, etc. He then proceeds to still go to a birthday party (not a close friend just someone he knows from a bar he goes to) & parties for about 9 hours. I was sobbing because I couldn’t believe the lack of remorse although I should be used to it by now. He proceeded to send me a VERY long message belittling me. Making fun of the fact that I don’t really have friends and a bunch of other things (I have isolated myself because of this relationship). He also went to the bar the day after that and again yesterday. He has been to the bar the last 12/16 days and tells me it’s normal since his dad does it and his mom doesn’t care.

I know I need to leave but the empathetic part of me is holding me back. He says he’s depressed and hates his life and it makes me feel bad and excuse his actions. He blames his coc@!ne use on me and says it’s my fault because he’s not happy in our relationship. He’s SO verbally abusive it’s unreal. Always talking about how women are stupid, how they ruin everything and he’d rather live with guy friends. Tells me how much he hates me, how I serve no purpose in the world, how I deserve to get hit by a truck or someone needs to beat me up. Has told me I’m ugly. Always calls me a cunt etc. over tiny disagreements. but my mind is constantly making excuses for his behavior. He always says he didn’t mean it and tells me I’m the best person he’s ever met and only said those things out of anger because he wanted to inflict pain.

All I’ve ever done is try to help him. Try to make him a better man. He says I’m a terrible support system which I disagree with. No im not the best anymore but how could I be when someone is verbally abusing me and lying to me all the time? How could I be when I’m in this environment that has made me so anxious and miserable? Yet I’m still there for him the way I can be. No one in my life knows about anything I’ve dealt with besides his mom and she loves him but she even told me I need to leave him. I am truly exhausted and haven’t felt real joy or peace in years. Has anyone else experienced this?