Unbelievable tales from reddit.
handpicked from the staff at tippin ice.
Credit to: stuntedgoat
posted to: r/AmIOverreacting
title is a little clickbaity because his autism has nothing to do with my animosity towards my brother(15). i’ve felt uncomfortable around him for years, with this being the first time i have expressed and placed a boundary. he has a history of being aggressive, spends 90% of his awake time watching youtube or on roblox which usually results in a rage fit. my parents have heavily neglected his development and has been “homeschooled” for the past decade. he has an anxiety disorder, depression, and an explosive mood disorder, alongside his autism. i don’t know if this is relevant or not.
a few months ago my mother and i were searching through the family computer trying to find evidence of infidelity in her marriage, instead we found a google search history of “cat fellatio, feline genitalia, cat vagina” along with other weird teenage boy stuff. my mother did not address any of this and acted like she didn’t see it. ok, whatever.
my daughter also has extreme stranger danger towards him, latching onto me or her dad when he’s in sight. there’s been no time where they’ve been left in the same room alone together so i have no reason to think anything happened between them besides any vibes my toddler picked up.
i recently weaned my child from nursing but whenever i would visit my family home, my brother would come into the common spaces to hang out. i would be nursing frequently, on demand. my brother would watch and he is not subtle. this would lead to him “adjusting himself” often until he would eventually leave the room. this same thing would happen a few more times when i would simply be in the room playing with my toddlers and he would be adjusting.
is this normal teenage boy behavior? it really feels like my mother is choosing to ignore these red flags and excuse his behavior. as a mom, he makes my anxiety skyrocket.
thanks to anyone who reads. hopefully i don’t come off as an AH.
Thoughts from the users:
Empress_De_Sangre:
"I don’t think you’re wrong for feeling the way you feel, but I do feel like you could’ve been more tactful in the way you established your boundaries. You could’ve worded it just a bit better to open the discourse and come up with solutions on how to mitigate the behavior. I feel for your mom in this situation, raising a boy is hard enough as it is, raising an autistic boy is much more of a challenge as it relates to these types of behaviors."
lunachick_682:
"Agree that you both have a point. You are justified in feeling uncomfortable around your brother and not wanting him in your home. His behavior is disconcerting at best and you are within your rights to set a boundary. Your mother is also justified in not wanting to go where he is not welcome. You are both her children and she wants you to get along and be family. It sounds like you are grown, living your own life, and, if not neurotypical, higher masking/lower support needs than your brother. He is a teenager, still a child, and needs more support and attention from your mother. Is any of that your fault? Absolutely not. It’s also not his fault. It sounds like he is socially and developmentally delayed and does not pick up on your discomfort and concerns. My suggestion is to limit interactions with your brother to neutral places (restaurants, a park, the mall, etc.), and/or your parents’ home. Try to avoid situations where you’re breastfeeding around him as it makes you very uncomfortable and causes an inappropriate reaction in him. I’m not trying to breastfeed shame at all, just suggesting avoiding the trigger for both of you. When discussing it with your mother, try to express things about discomfort for everyone. You don’t want to exclude him, but you need to feel safe and comfortable in your home. Suggesting your mother look into some supports for your brother to address his inappropriate social behavior may be worthwhile. If he’s acting this way around his sister, he’s likely doing it in even more inappropriate situations that could get him into trouble. Autistic people need acceptance and support, so do their families."
broketothebone:
"I saw the original post in the AIO group, she explains that the header is mostly rage bait trying to get people to comment, but the texts are apparently real. I am honestly on her side about it though but she should have handled it a lot better; maybe have the conversation with her mom in person that her brother makes her feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Definitely not starting out the conversation with "don't bring him, lol he's weird" she shut down and didn't care what her daughter said after that. When my first was a newborn, my autistic brother (who was 22 at the time and 6'3", he's a big guy) scared me a lot because he was violent and easily triggered by my youngest brother who we suspect also has autism. I asked my mom to make sure to let him know and communicate with him the expectations before coming over (which helped him a lot usually) so it didn't cause a meltdown (ie, i didn't want him to hold her it made me nervous especially adding in ppd and ppe) and much to my dismay, she didn't and i was scared to tell him no and cause a meltdown, thankfully that time went fine. The next time they came over, he went into a huge meltdown because of something my youngest brother said or did and it was absolutely terrifying. I told my mom I didn't feel comfortable with him around in such a confined space (our apartment) while she was still so small. She wasn't happy about it, but she also understood. This kid in the post (assuming its all real) has serious issues that have nothing to do with his autism diagnosis. She is doing what she feels is best for her family, but seriously dropped the ball on the communication aspect."
Thoughts from the staff:
"The brothers parents need to step in and teach him right from wrong, especially at this stage of his development. Realistically, although searching for pictures of animal genitalia is not common for teenage boys, having access to the internet will definitely involve at least pictures of bodies, if not more explicit search topics.
If the parents dont have what it takes to have this conversation then they should at least be speaking to a professional, as this behaviour left unchallenged could land him in some serious bother further down the line.
I'd say NOR, but she needs to have a word with her parents to nip this behaviour in the bud, it would make everyones life easier as long as they stick to a proper plan.""